Did you wake up one day to find a baby database left in a box by your front door? While it was cute and fairly self-sufficient at first, has it now hit database puberty and is it making you wish there were such a thing as DBA school? Did you feed your database after midnight or let it get in contact with water and is it now making your life a living hell? Don't panic, because here's a 20 minute cram session of the most basic database parenting skills as well as general things you should be aware of when starting out with MySQL.

A light-hearted, meme-heavy approach to starting your part- or full-time career as a Database Caretaker.